The Breaking Point

  “The Breaking Point is compelling and strikingly honest. This story touches the heart and gives hope for struggling marriages. Karen Ball writes with clarity, depth, and power. It’s a pleasure to recommend this engaging and memorable book.”

  RANDY ALCORN, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF SAFELY HOME

  “The Breaking Point goes beyond superb and engrossing—which it most certainly is—and enters the realm of heart-changing, life-altering fiction. Karen Ball has penned a modern classic and given us two unforgettable characters to root for. This is an author to watch!”

  ROBIN LEE HATCHER, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF

  FIRSTBORN AND PROMISED TO ME

  “With soul-searing honesty and commendable courage, Karen Ball dares to lift the veil on a Christian marriage where two hearts are struggling to become one. The Breaking Point is must-reading for any couple seeking God’s ideal in this wonderful covenant we know as marriage.”

  ANGELA ELWELL HUNT, AUTHOR OF

  THE SHADOW WOMEN

  “This is a novel with purpose! Karen Ball honestly explores marriage in all of its complexity and sometimes hidden glory.”

  GARY THOMAS, AUTHOR OF SACRED MARRIAGE

  “Gut-wrenching in its honesty and passion, The Breaking Point packs a powerful message of obedience and God’s healing.”

  BRANDILYN COLLINS, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF

  COLOR THE SIDEWALK FOR ME AND EYES OF ELISHA

  “Karen Ball’s vulnerable, clear voice rings true in a story that will bring you face-to-face with the reality of a struggling marriage and the Father’s insistent, inexhaustible grace. Authentic and revealing, this book is not to be missed.”

  DEBORAH BEDFORD, AUTHOR OF A MORNING LIKE THIS

  “An honest, heartfelt novel about the craggy recesses of marriage—where God does some of His best work. Karen Ball’s writing is emotionally gripping and full of insight.”

  JAMES SCOTT BELL, AUTHOR OF A GREATER GLORY

  “In The Breaking Point, Karen Ball exposes the painful, honest truth of marriage: It’s hard work. This story of lives out of control, love misplaced, and the wounds we often give each other in the name of righteous direction is carefully balanced with God’s love, hope, and ministry of reconciliation. Although fiction, this powerful read is anything but. I highly recommend this book.”

  TRACIE PETERSON, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE DESERT ROSE SERIES AND EYES OF THE HEART

  “The Breaking Point is not only a powerful story for everyone to read, it’s a blueprint for those who want to take their marriages to a more Christlike level, for ailing and struggling marriages, and for helping couples to be prepared for the hard times.”

  LAURAINE SNELLING, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE HEALING QUILT AND THE RED RIVER OF THE NORTH SERIES

  “Karen Ball is one of my favorite authors. Her stories combine humor, poignancy, and a solid biblical background for page-turning novels. The Breaking Point merges all of Karen’s strengths into a beautifully written story of love and redemption.”

  LORI COPELAND, AUTHOR OF BRIDES OF THE WEST: FAITH, JUNE, HOPE, GLORY,

  AND RUTH

  “I finished The Breaking Point at 3 A.M. with tears in my eyes. What a wonderful testimony of God’s power to heal even the most complicated of relationships. Karen Ball beautifully illustrates the truth that love is a decision and that a relationship with God offers hope for every broken dream. Every married couple and certainly every newlywed should read this book.”

  DEBORAH RANEY, AWARD-WINNING AUTHOR OF AFTER THE RAINS AND A SCARLET CORD

  This book is dedicated with love and gratitude to my husband, Don.

  I wasted so many years wishing you were different—more this, less that. I’m sorry it took me so long to stop looking at you—or at myself—and finally look to the Master. But I’m grateful that when I did so, He opened my eyes and heart to the truth: His plans are perfect. He’s made two stubborn, willful souls one in ways I never imagined.

  Don, you fought the good fight, you stood firm in the face of great opposition, and by God’s grace and your determination, you’ve become a man of honor and integrity, a man after God’s own heart.

  You’ve made me a better woman, a better Christian, and a better person. You’ve shown me the true meaning of love. What a miracle to call you beloved and friend. Thank you for persevering.

  I love you with all my heart.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  A WISE FRIEND AND GIFTED WRITER, ROBIN JONES GUNN, once said that when we write the books that stem from our truest passion, we find ourselves “floating on a sea of reluctant transparency.” That’s certainly true of this book.

  This story is different from any I’ve written before. I put off writing it, in part because I knew I wasn’t ready, but also because I was afraid. I didn’t want to go through the emotions I knew were waiting for me if I gave in. But God is even more stubborn than I, and He made it abundantly clear that the time had come to testify to what He has done in my marriage. In my life.

  I worried that reliving the dark times would harden my heart toward Don. But God is so faithful! The complete opposite happened. As I wrote, a sense of wonder and gratitude came over me. Wonder that Don and I share the love we do today, considering where we were not so long ago. Gratitude that God helped us endure so we could know this time, this delight, of who we’ve become as individuals and as a couple.

  Beauty for ashes. That’s what God promises us. And it’s true. He’s taken the ashes of my willful dreams and stubborn expectations and given me more beauty than I ever imagined.

  I pray this story will help any who may be stumbling along the rocky path of marital discord. But when a story is based, even in part, on the writer’s own life, she runs the risk of losing the universal message in a tangle of personal details. To avoid that, while some facets of this story stem from the events of my own life and marriage, it is a compilation of many stories, many lives, many marriages, many struggles. (For example, I’ve never been pregnant and Don has never had or considered an affair.)

  Thank you to those of you who shared with me the cost of persevering; the battles to survive in a world that calls us to self-love rather than God’s love; the struggles to resist the oh-so-appealing cry of “God can’t want you to be this unhappy.” I’ve found strength through each of you, through hearing what God has done when it seemed nothing could be done. Thank you for bearing witness to a Power that goes beyond our weakness and turns despair to hope, anger to joy, destruction to restoration.

  Many people were there for Don and me through our journey. You all helped in ways both big and small, but some have been a constant support. God used you to keep us faithful to the vows we took nearly twenty-four years ago, and we thank you. My special gratitude to:

  My dad and mom, Fred and Paula Sapp, and my two brothers, Kevin and Kirk. What would I have done without you? When I was a kid, I thought all families were like ours. Now I realize what an amazing gift our family is. You are my most treasured friends. During those terrible, painful days, you were my anchor and my resting place. You still are. I thank God for you every day.

  My sweet sister-in-law, Lyn. Your quiet wisdom and loving heart bring Proverbs 16:24 to life. I’m so glad you’re a part of our family.

  Our beloved church family at the Advent Christian Church in Medford, Oregon. You’ve known and encouraged me all my life and you accepted Don without reservation. Even in the hardest of times, you showed us both a pure, sincere love. You are the true picture of the body of Christ, and I love each of you more than I can say.

  Len, spiritual mentor, shepherd, soldier for the Master, heart friend. You spoke hard truths, brother, when I needed to hear them, even at the risk of our friendship. You followed the Master’s call into battle because you knew what mattered most wasn’t my happiness but my obedience. Thank you for letting Him use you so wisely and so well. I love you.

  Julee and Peggy, my heart sisters. How you’ve enriched my life! Thank you for all the times you listened to my sorrow, accepted my anger and despair, and let God’s light of truth shine clear in your counsel. I count myself among the most blessed of women because you are my friends.

  Our Illinois Bible study group. You saw us at our worst and still accepted and loved us. We became our best in great part because of the way you stood beside us and held us accountable.

  Don’s family. You’ve been there for each other, supported and loved each other, no matter what. Mom, you raised some wonderful kids, and I’m especially grateful for the hand you had in making Don the kind of man who wouldn’t give up, either on himself or on me; Sheryl and Arden, you opened your home and hearts to us, and both were a blessed haven. Thank you, dear sister and brother; Doug, you have such a special place in our hearts. You understood us as few have and you helped us stand; and Guy, you gave guidance and support without reserve.

  Thank you for taking me into your family, for taking us into your hearts, for giving us a safe place to fall apart, and for helping us rebuild.

  Francine and Rick Rivers. You told us, over and over, that God is sufficient, no matter what. In the darkest of times you called us to stay the course and promised it was worth it. You were right on all counts.

  Ken Petersen. You upheld us both, never taking sides. That was a precious gift.

  Our River Glen church family. God used a moment of brokenness to draw us back into Christian fellowship (thank you, David, for your honesty!), and we found such delight among you. Thank you for being transparent and for being true to His call.

  Our c
ounselor, Steve Hoffmann. What an amazing, godly man you are. I doubt we would have survived as individuals, let alone as a couple, without you. You saw through the masks and barriers into our very hearts. And you drew us from desperation and anger into a relationship that overflows with God’s promise and delight. I didn’t think it was possible; you never believed it wasn’t. Thank you, Steve. We owe you. Big-time.

  To each of you, words can never express the depth of my gratitude for what you did, what you said, and for being there when we needed you. May God bless you richly.

  Finally, a special word of thanks to the woman who, in so many ways, made me who I am: my mom, Paula Sapp. I miss you. So much. I wish you were here to read this, because you’re as much a part of the story as anyone. You were the most amazing gift, the most wonderful mother. I’ve never known a woman who could love like you did. You were there any time I needed you. All those times my world turned upside down, your voice on the phone set things right again. You listened without judging; you loved without reservation. I still can’t believe you’re gone, Mom. Life isn’t the same. Never will be again. So I’m looking forward more than I can say to eternity and to seeing you again. My fondest hope is that I spend these years without you making you really, really proud. I love you.

  And now… we offer ourselves to the One who called us, the One who loves us so very well, the One who has restored us. And we make this our prayer:

  Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly,

  abundantly above all we ask or think,

  according to the power that works in us,

  to HIM be glory in the church by Christ Jesus

  to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

  “Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches

  when the vision will be fulfilled.

  If it seems slow, wait patiently,

  for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.”

  HABAKKUK 2:3

  The state of marriage is one that requires

  more virtue and constancy than any other.

  It is a perpetual exercise of mortification….

  From this thyme plant, in spite of the bitter nature of its juice,

  you may be able to draw and make the honey of a holy life.

  FRANCES DE SALES

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Recommended Reading

  Discussion Questions

  Copyright

  “Marriage … is the crucible that grinds

  and shapes us into the character of Jesus Christ.”

  GARY THOMAS

  “When you put a seed into the ground,

  it doesn’t grow … unless it dies first.”

  1 CORINTHIANS 15:36

  DECEMBER 19, 2003

  10 A.M.

  WE’RE OUT OF CONTROL.

  Renee Roman leaned her forehead against the cold glass of the truck window, her teeth clenched, a barrier against the tears scalding the backs of her eyes. She would not cry. She’d cried enough for a lifetime.

  Two lifetimes.

  She focused on the winter storm screaming just outside her window. A dense blanket of wind-whipped snow surrounded the pickup as they crept along. Visibility was nil, and gusts of wind buffeted the truck, slamming against it with seemingly determined efforts to knock them sideways.

  A whiteout. How fitting. Now they could be as blind to the road as they were to each other …

  Hurt tugged at her, and she pressed her lips tight against it. Blind or not, nothing was going to stop them, no sirree. Let the storm rage; their truck would still keep its steady, slow progress. Wind and snow were no match for Gabe. Nothing stopped him when he was determined—no human, no natural disaster, no act of God …

  Renee’s fingers curled around her seat belt. Here they were, on a treacherous road, at the mercy of the weather, and all Gabe could do was keep moving forward. No stopping to reconsider, no looking for shelter, and certainly no asking for help. Just push your way through and make everything and everyone bend to your will.

  If she weren’t so terrified, the situation would be hilarious.

  A small whine drew her attention to the backseat, and she turned to place a comforting hand on Bo’s furry head. Funny, Siberian huskies looked so imposing, so fierce, but under that wolflike appearance, they were serious wimps. “It’s okay, boy” She uttered the soothing words, doing her best to keep her own anxiety from tainting her tone. “You’re fine. We’ll be home soon.”

  If only she believed that. A glance told Renee that Gabe was tense, too, but she knew his tight jaw had little to do with the weather. She buried her fingers in Bo’s thick coat. If only she could bury her feelings as completely.

  I hate him.

  The words, which had nudged her heart and mind since that morning despite her stubborn refusal to grant them entrance, finally took wing.

  She knew it was because of the anger. And the terror. She hated driving in the snow. Usually avoided it at all costs—which put driving in a blinding blizzard in the Oregon mountains in the “Things I Utterly Detest” category—but Gabe had been adamant. And nothing she said—no pleas to wait a day, no appeals to reason or compassion—had made a difference.

  Oh, he had a list of reasons: They couldn’t afford another night in the hotel; he didn’t have any more vacation days and couldn’t afford a day off without pay; all they had to do was leave early enough to beat the worst of the storm …

  But Renee knew the real reason they were on the road in the worst storm of the year. Her husband couldn’t wait to get home, to get this miserable trip over with.

  To get away from her.

  Tears pricked at her eyelids, and she blinked them away. He wanted to get away from her? Well, that was just fine. She was more than ready to escape his rigid, cold presence. The plummeting temperatures outside the truck cab were a virtual heat wave compared to the frigid atmosphere inside. Neither of them had spoken a word for the past half hour.

  Her lips trembled. Why say anything now? They’d said enough—more than enough—that morning.

  She gave Bo a final pat and turned to stare out the windshield again, then grabbed the door handle when another blast of wind rocked the cab. She started when Gabe’s hand closed over hers. Swallowing a sudden jumble of emotions, she glanced at him. He kept his eyes fixed on the windshield as he spoke.

  “Breathe, Renee. I need you to breathe.”

  She hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath. Amazing. Even in the face of a storm—both physical and emotional—Gabe was still so tuned in to her …

  She forced out her pent-up air, then drew in a slow, deep breath.

  Gabe squeezed her hand with gentle pressure. “Well be okay.” His gaze brushed hers, then returned to the road.

  Fear, frustration, regret, sorrow … one sensation chased another, rippling through her until they were a bitter taste in her mouth.